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I was extremely tired yesterday afternoon, so I decided to go to bed a few hours early. Which is to say, 4pm early. When I woke up later my clock said 7pm and the sky was very slightly light, so I made what seemed like a reasonable deduction at the time, that I'd been so tired that I'd somehow slept 15 hours without waking up enough to remember sometime in the middle. An hour and a half later after having had breakfast and sitting on the computer checking blogs and so forth I realised that a) I was getting more tired, not less, which is not what usually happens when I sleep for stupidly long periods of time, and b) the sky outside was darker, not lighter than previous. Sure enough, it was actually 7pm, and I went back to bed to try to get the rest of my sleep. I woke up again after another 5 hour block, and then again after that.

But in the last two blocks of sleep my subconscious saw fit to plot out part of a fantasy story. Most of it has already faded but I think I was on the run from people who were killing those close to me and were looking for me too, and my close friend/relation joined me after they nearly caught him too. The place we fled from was pretty much a poverty stricken village or similar, because on the bus into the city (yeh my subconscious decided to be inconsistent in keeping the fantasy setting; also the money was Australian dollars and cents) we had trouble counting the money we'd picked up due to the fact that seeing money was so rare and we didn't know so well which denominations were which. I had some other people helping me too, although I don't remember how I knew them or why they were helping me. There were these spiritual costume things which doubled as tapestries. And right near the end this lord, who happened to be one of the people who was trying to kill us, came to our house and demanded we swear fealty to him, so I wore one of the spirit costume things to be less recognisable and we swore fealty to him so that he would go away without hurting us.

I find this interesting partly because my subconscious is much better at coming up with stuff like this than I am, and that most of the dreams I remember tend to be about fantasy stories and/or gaming. It's almost enough for me to think that if I need to be creative I should spend most of my time lazing around in bed :p
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An update on things is in order. Also I'm trying to write this before the lack-of-sleep-induced energy wears off and I collapse.

First: The hair. Everyone seems to think it looks good. What I didn't expect was the sudden popularity/attention that comes with suddenly looking a lot better overall than I did before said haircut. Which just goes to show what I've been saying all along, that everyone is hopelessly shallow and makes a lot of judgements at the purely superficial level.
Two things follow from this. I will never again forget how much difference appearance makes in how people treat you. Now I just have to overcome my innate resistance to doing things just for the sake of appearances and all will be well :p More likely I'll come to some kind of compromise between being a lazy slob and knowing when being a lazy slob is just not an option.
The second is that I haven't forgotten that these are the same people who happily ignored me before. The distrust that was trained into me by about six years of harassment at school is definitely rearing its head here. And at the same time as I accuse others of being shallow I can't help recognise the same thing in myself. A large part of me wants to pay attention to the way I look so that I can bask in the attention of others, despite this going counter to what I profess to believe in. So as is my habit I'm just telling the vain attention-seeking part of me to shut up so that I can get along with my life.

Last night I was talking with my mum and it turns out I never got around to telling her about my social problems in high school. So she never had any real idea that I'm very introverted and that the word antisocial comes to mind if I'm pressed to describe myself. I think she's a bit sad that pretty much the whole family (except my brother, but we knew he was a changeling anyway :p) turned out so introverted.

I had this all written out in my head during my long and boring work but the trip home seems to have knocked it all out of my head :( oh well. Maybe more and better expressed later.

In other news, as of 9:30am today it has been 30 and a half hours since I last slept. However in the last three days I have gotten sixteen hours sleep so it evens out. Sort of. I think I'm a little obsessed with my sleep behaviours these days.

UPDATE: I have now slept for about 6 hours and am alive again (sort of). First part of entry has been fixed. There's other stuff I also wanted to write but have forgotten.

Also:
Behold the link of funny-ness! http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/guestessays/religion101.html

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erratio

October 2014

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