Choose your own adventure, coles style

[erratio]

At work we often come across whole piles of loose items that some customer has dumped , having decided that they don't want to shop anymore, or somesuch. On Tuesday I came across a particularly interesting set of such items.

Item 1: A thank you card and envelope
Item 2: A sympathy card of some sort. I regret not having taken a closer look at this.
Item 3: Condoms
Item 4: Lubricant
Item 5: A home pregnancy test

With a set of items like this I couldn't help but speculate about what the person was planning to use them for. That day I told Alison and Hein about the set of mystery items and how I'd constructed this scenario to explain their existence. Alison immediately came up with a different one. So did Hein. Just now I told Zhe about it and he came up with yet another plausible story that fit the supplied items. In fact, I invite everyone reading this to come up with their own story to explain what the person was planning to use it for.


But wait! you say. What about my story? Well..

The person who left it was obviously a man (because everyone knows that cards only work on girls, so it would be a guy planning to give it to his girlfriend rather than vice-versa). He's concerned that his girlfriend may be pregnant. Now, when he gets home, he'll give her the pregnancy test, and then depending on the outcome, give her one of the cards (thank you if she's not pregnant, sympathy if she is) and use the goodwill generated by the card to solicit intercourse from her.

Comments

[rcmasteraa.livejournal.com]

Ok I haven't read your summary yet so I'll write mine now.

This guy is shopping around and picks up the card, lubricant, condoms, etc. He's recently married or somesuch and they want kids. He has bought the two cards to cover for if or if not the pregnancy test returns positive. The condoms are probably there for the protected sex before or after the unprotected sex, I dunno.
It's fairly realistic apart from the condoms.

[mia-at-lj.livejournal.com]

Ok, so like in Wedding Crashers, a woman decides to go to a funeral to pick up, hence the sympathy card. She wants to get pregnant and she hopes to 'comfort' one of the grievers. She prefers using lubricant on condoms otherwise it can get very dry and she's going to doctor it. And when she *does* get pregnant, she's going to send him a Thank You card for his services.

The end.

[seirenes.livejournal.com]

Thank you card for the sex, and a sympathy card for the pregancy test results... :D
*>_<*

this is fun...

[heinypoo.livejournal.com]

i think a chick wants her anal done.. that's what the lube is for and the condom since first timer can be painful and bloody literally and u know how siemen fused with blood can cause STD. and the thank u card is for 'the after sex' and the sympathy is for the amount of poo she got on his tool HAHAHAHAHAHHA and o the pregnancy.. the woman is dumb enough to think being assphucked could impregnate her hhahahahaha

[heinypoo.livejournal.com]

that wasn't my original one which jen wrote about.. my original goes something like this-
a kid bought these for his mom and dad to NOT have another kid... so that's what the condom is for... and the thank u card is for 'thanx for using those condoms'.. then the pregnancy test kit is to test if the mom will get pregnant... and sympathy is an 'awww' impression for NOT getting kids.. lubewise, maybe his car needs some to stop making that noice friction makes.. on his way back to his house..

by kid, i mean OVER 20