Day of judgement

[erratio]

Today was Yom Kippur, the day of judgement where God decides whether we will live or die during the coming year. I find it fitting and symbolic, even though I didn't intend it this way, that today will probably be the last day that I self-identify as Jewish.

It's taken me a long time to reach this point. Even though I haven't believed in the rituals of Judaism or in the existence of a Judeo-Christian God for years, I still fasted on Yom Kippur, avoided bread during Passover and kept an abbreviated form of kosher (no ham/pork/etc) out of some sense of tradition and obligation towards my family and my past. I think I'm over that now.

What happened? Well, I read an article last night about the difference between actually believing in something and only half-believing, in the way that most of us don't believe in ghosts but would still get freaked out if we spent some time in a haunted house. And that caused something of a personal epiphany, where I realised that I've been behaving as though I half-believe in Judaism, even though I'm sure that the monotheistic God doesn't exist.

Today I fasted, because it seemed like a bad idea to change my beliefs when I had such a huge incentive (being able to eat normally) for deciding to give up on religion on the spot.* Starting tomorrow, I will be making an effort to discard my last observances of Judaism. From now on, I will only identify myself as Jewish in the sense of having had a Jewish background, not in the sense of currently identifying myself as one. Let's see how it goes.

*Probably also because as soon as I realised that my personal epiphany happened to match up with the most serious day of the Jewish year, that determines your fate for the entirety of the coming year, I couldn't resist the temptation towards symbolism.

Comments

[erratio.livejournal.com]

Religious Buddhism? What kind of beliefs does that entail? I have a Burmese Buddhist friend but his beliefs are pretty incoherent, as far as I can tell. I would appreciate hearing about it since it's one of the few that I don't have a good feel for.

I haven't told my family about it yet; I don't want to make a big deal about it because my mother has some (weird confused) level of belief that gives her comfort, and a large part of that is about tradition. As for my friends, most of them are either consciously atheist or at least not religious, so most of them won't care one way or the other whether I uphold some silly dietary rituals.

I'm still pretty ambivalent on the function of religion as a whole. At the lowest level, I find them perpetuating some incredibly toxic memes. Not just the obvious anti-abortion and anti-gay rights stuff, but (for example) I've also noticed anecdotally that people who were raised religious and then deconvert usually end up with lots of problems because they've been trained to believe in some kind of Deep Universal Meaning that isn't necessarily there and certainly isn't going to be handed to us on a silver platter. At the higher levels you see all the usual problems that you get in a large hierarchical structure; it becomes more about politics than about serving the congregation.

But on the positive side I've met some really good religious people - not just nice, but that rare kind of person who seems to radiate goodness and compassion - and I think that a large part of that goodness comes from growing up in a tightly integrated and cohesive community and knowing with absolute certainty that you're unconditionally loved and accepted. It would be nice if we could recreate that sense of acceptance without having to posit a God, but it just doesn't seem possible since it rests on God being Other and omni-everything.

Neutrally, religion fulfils a lot of important community-building functions, but I'm pretty sure that even if religion vanished tomorrow some other structure would immediately take its place and have most of the same costs and benefits. And I don't think people need religion to engage in mob thinking or bigotry - religion is just a convenient vessel for it.

[focality.livejournal.com]

With Buddhism, there's the notion that it's simply a way of thinking about the universe or life: karma, reincarnation, nirvana. No soul, no gods, nothing outside the self. Then there's the Buddhism where the original Buddha is venerated as a god, and Buddhist pray to him to change their negative karma to positive karma so they come back as something better than what they are now. Priests and other Buddhist clergy talking about coming back as cockroaches if the lay believers don't do certain things.

My mother grew up in Thailand, where Buddhism is the state religion. That Buddhism was practiced by her until we were stationed on Okinawa (my father was in the US Air Force). There, she was introduced to a Japanese Buddhism called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nichiren_Buddhism>Nichiren Buddhism</a>. It looks and feels a lot like Shinto stuff. It also reminds me a lot of the American fire and brimstone evangelical Christianity wherein you're always threatened with dire consequences for not chanting enough, praying enough, or being fearful enough. When I turned 18, I left my family and joined the Marine Corps. Religion doesn't really figure much even though there are lots of religious people in the military. It's a private thing and most people respect that. So I never received my own gohonzon or kept chanting namu-myoho-renge-kyo. The feelings of guilt, if that's the right word, certainly dissipate over time. My mother still practices but I have no desire to discuss it any further with her.