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Sep. 27th, 2019 10:41 pmIt turns out that when I stop being in denial, things can move rather fast.
I have now moved entirely from "I have some gender stuff going on but I'm going to mostly shove it under the nearest furniture and pretend it's not significant" to "I'm definitely some species of non-binary and have started coming out to various people in my life about it", over the space of two to three months.
Reactions have mostly been very good so far! Although my therapist was not only caught by surprise since I had been too far in denial to ever flag my gender stuff as something to talk about, but was very ignorant about what the term means and had to have it explained in detail. She's doing much better with it now but when I last saw her she asked me whether any potential pronoun changes would extend to replacing "you" with something else, and I couldn't help but mentally facepalm a little even while I assured her that no, it's basically just titles and third person pronouns. And my ex was, on the one hand, excited and supportive, and then on the other went on a rant about how wanting to change your pronouns is selfish and lots of trans and genderqueer people are doing it for the social points with the SJW crowd. He does not see any dissonance between these two things, and when I expressed distress at the ranting his reaction was basically "oh in that case let's switch back to talking about how excited I am to see where you go with this".
There's still a lot of people I haven't come out to. I noticed that I seem to have unconsciously ordered my coming out to start with the people I was most sure would be okay with it. If I'm lucky I'll keep being pleasantly surprised. If not, well, I guess I was due for an overhaul of my social groups anyway.
I have now moved entirely from "I have some gender stuff going on but I'm going to mostly shove it under the nearest furniture and pretend it's not significant" to "I'm definitely some species of non-binary and have started coming out to various people in my life about it", over the space of two to three months.
Reactions have mostly been very good so far! Although my therapist was not only caught by surprise since I had been too far in denial to ever flag my gender stuff as something to talk about, but was very ignorant about what the term means and had to have it explained in detail. She's doing much better with it now but when I last saw her she asked me whether any potential pronoun changes would extend to replacing "you" with something else, and I couldn't help but mentally facepalm a little even while I assured her that no, it's basically just titles and third person pronouns. And my ex was, on the one hand, excited and supportive, and then on the other went on a rant about how wanting to change your pronouns is selfish and lots of trans and genderqueer people are doing it for the social points with the SJW crowd. He does not see any dissonance between these two things, and when I expressed distress at the ranting his reaction was basically "oh in that case let's switch back to talking about how excited I am to see where you go with this".
There's still a lot of people I haven't come out to. I noticed that I seem to have unconsciously ordered my coming out to start with the people I was most sure would be okay with it. If I'm lucky I'll keep being pleasantly surprised. If not, well, I guess I was due for an overhaul of my social groups anyway.
