a late night ramble about morals
May. 22nd, 2006 12:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erratioHow much of morality is innate and how much learned? Sometimes it seems like half the point of friends is to bounce things off them and make sure that you're doing the right thing. Except that then you still can't be sure that you're doing the right thing since you tend to seek out people likely to agree with your point of view. On the rare occasions that you go to your friends seeking sympathy or agreement and don't receive it you generally go away feeling somewhat angry and cheated, as if someone had just snatched the carpet out from under you.
It seems to me as though more of our morality should come from within ourselves than from the status quo. Because if you have so little sense of 'right' that its dependent on those around you, then inevitably one day you will find yourself surrounded by people who think you should do something that is not in your best interests, but in theirs. The cute guy who winks at you and beckons you to a one night stand. The unscrupulous acquaintance who wants you to do something disastrous merely because they are bored and the results would entertain them. The unstable friend who wants to live vicariously through you.
It seems like in most cases where I would normally turn to friends, its for a situation where if i asked myself the question and forced myself to answer honestly about my own motivations for wanting to do or not do the action in question I would come to the same conclusion that I would by bouncing it off others.
The only situation where this rule wouldn't always hold true would be ones where strong emotion is involved. Relationships come to mind. A friend recently blogged about how she and her ex had a much more open and frank discussion where they laid things out properly, and how typical it was that such a conversation was only possible after the relationship had ended and neither person was emotionally involved anymore. Most people are far too wrapped up in their emotions to make rational decisions when in a relationship. At the same time, because relationships are an intensely private thing, one usually can't just go running to friends for advice, because doing so would mean disclosing more information than could really be given without breaking trust. And even then, most advice will be ignored anyway because at this point in their life a person is not being run by logic at all, but entirely by emotion. How did this get to be a ramble about relationships..?
But in general when strong emotion is involved is I think the one time when you should go seek out advice. If nothing else, if everyone you ask disagrees with you then you can safely assume that you're being irrational and go from there. Either that or learn to calm your emotions long enough to work out objectively (ie if a friend of yours was coming to you with a similar situation to yours) what would be the best course of action.
In summary, you shouldn't be using friends as a substitute for morals of your own. But its nice to have that outside viewpoint occasionally to tell you when you're being a raving madman
/ramble
PS this post is not written with anyone specific in mind, just a general reflection on life etc
It seems to me as though more of our morality should come from within ourselves than from the status quo. Because if you have so little sense of 'right' that its dependent on those around you, then inevitably one day you will find yourself surrounded by people who think you should do something that is not in your best interests, but in theirs. The cute guy who winks at you and beckons you to a one night stand. The unscrupulous acquaintance who wants you to do something disastrous merely because they are bored and the results would entertain them. The unstable friend who wants to live vicariously through you.
It seems like in most cases where I would normally turn to friends, its for a situation where if i asked myself the question and forced myself to answer honestly about my own motivations for wanting to do or not do the action in question I would come to the same conclusion that I would by bouncing it off others.
The only situation where this rule wouldn't always hold true would be ones where strong emotion is involved. Relationships come to mind. A friend recently blogged about how she and her ex had a much more open and frank discussion where they laid things out properly, and how typical it was that such a conversation was only possible after the relationship had ended and neither person was emotionally involved anymore. Most people are far too wrapped up in their emotions to make rational decisions when in a relationship. At the same time, because relationships are an intensely private thing, one usually can't just go running to friends for advice, because doing so would mean disclosing more information than could really be given without breaking trust. And even then, most advice will be ignored anyway because at this point in their life a person is not being run by logic at all, but entirely by emotion. How did this get to be a ramble about relationships..?
But in general when strong emotion is involved is I think the one time when you should go seek out advice. If nothing else, if everyone you ask disagrees with you then you can safely assume that you're being irrational and go from there. Either that or learn to calm your emotions long enough to work out objectively (ie if a friend of yours was coming to you with a similar situation to yours) what would be the best course of action.
In summary, you shouldn't be using friends as a substitute for morals of your own. But its nice to have that outside viewpoint occasionally to tell you when you're being a raving madman
/ramble
PS this post is not written with anyone specific in mind, just a general reflection on life etc
