retrospective

[erratio]

one of the weirdest things about being human is how at almost any point you feel like you're adult and mature, and then a year later you can look back on yourself and laugh hysterically at the idea that that person thought they were so mature.
And so it is for me.

I distinctly remember a certain conversation i had last year with alison and hein and zhe and possibly a few others about the possiblity of having kids. I stated that i would probably never have kids because at that point i didn't feel like i would ever be a good mother and i doubted that my feelings there would ever change.
Now.. i still don't think i would be a good mother. But looking back on my younger 18-year old self who was oh-so-sure that her feelings wouldn't change with time, i can only shake my head wryly.

Life is in flux, if you don't change you become stagnant..

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Ok first hit: the elderly. I don't think THEY look back on their elderly-1 selves and go "ha! what an ignorant kid I was" do they. DO THEY.

Second hit: you're talking about wanting to be a mother. What's his name.

[erratio.livejournal.com]

actually, i'm NOT talking about wanting to be a mother, if you read what i said. Right now i still think that trying to have kids would be disastrous for my kids because i'm not suited to it.

and to address the first point: you could be surprised. My main point wasn't that i was ignorant, but that i've changed so much in the past year that i can barely recognise my younger self. Sure, as you get older the change will be less from year to year but if you were to ever stop changing then i think it would be time to start looking into your quality of life

[(Anonymous)]

Nope, too bad!

WHAT'S HIS NAME DAMNIT

[erratio.livejournal.com]

ask me over msn damnit, i'm not in the habit of spreading my whole personal life over the intarweb

[(Anonymous)]

Haha foiled!

It wasn't supposed to be an actual grab for information, just a general "I know you're talking about a boy and won't bother with all the other crap" line.

Whoops!

[erratio.livejournal.com]

hate to ruin your fun but you're still quite far off the mark. This post was not originally referring to any boys at all.
i brought up that conversation about being a mother because it stands out in my memory as a time when i made a prediction about my future self, at the time i even said something along the lines of "i doubt i'll change very much from where i am now".
The post was mostly spurred on by realising how far i've come since this time last year, and NOT in a relationship sense at all.